I was praying Psalm 126 this morning and my spirit began to speak thanks to God for the season of weeping, crying, deconstructing, dying to self. It was a hard season, it felt like a long season, over 10 years for me, but today with an honest heart I was thanking the Lord for that season. I realized, based on what the psalmist said, if you have not had this season in your life, then you have not sown those seeds yet. This season was not because of secret sin I could not get over, some huge mistakes I made and I was remorseful, no this was a season designed by God, for He sees the end the from the beginning. It was a season of sowing.

Psalm 126 says, “Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.”

Joy is the harvest of a season of sowing in tears. Shouts come from a heart that has seen the Lord in the darkest nights of the soul. Sheaves are in our arms because we did not quit when we wanted out of that season of sowing. I did not get invited into that season with an announcement that it would be the hardest season of my life, but with an invitation from the Lord to walk with Him, to obey Him into the valley, to continue with Him when I had nothing, literally, when I thought I was going to die, but the living God, the word of God and the people of God who He sent to walk with me, never let me quit. Song of Solomon is about the Shunamite who started out closed off to love, but ended with a heart that was receiving and giving love like she never thought possible. This is what this season was about.

Tears fell as I learned to trust Him. I did not know at that time those tears were seeds. I never did it for anything but Him. Obedience was the motivation, not a harvest, not a ministry, not money, nothing. Once you really meet Him, really know Him, really see Him, nothing else matters. He is truly all I want, all I ever needed. But now the tears are gone and the joy has come, I smile a lot, I feel alive again and I am thankful for the season of sowing in tears.